In response to the following news item, I submit this schizophrenic commentary in a state of unsound mind & body. If you can't follow along, you're not alone.

news: Mike Ivey: Should Madison ban the drive-through?

Saving the planet depends on your involuntary cooperation.

Since most of us are not strictly adhering to the pontifications provided to all of us serfs by the EPA's Office of Mobile Sources, the only alternative is forced compliance.

I quoteth from the holy tablet itselfeth. The 5th commandment doth state:

(All Kneel)

(All Rise)

Personally, I don't think I should bear any guilt of transgression should I get blue-lined at the drive-thru -- that's on the carbon conscience of the fast-food establishment and the reckless high school twerp who forgot to clean out the milkshake machine last night because he was too busy texting his friends on his new Motorola.

I don't understand the point of texting. It's a phone. You're supposed to talk on it, and yet these young whipper-snappers waste minutes punching buttons to relay a message that would require a 10-second phone call. And with cute little abbreviations, no less.

Shouldn't I get a McPardon for getting blue-lined? Or do I have to buy blue-line credits on the open market?

And why isn't that line green, anyways?

Will there be carbon coupons in next Sunday's paper? Because I'm a little strapped with these high gas prices. A dollar off would certainly help a brother.

How about double carbon coupons on weekends? My local grocery store does it.

And why exactly does one need to warm up his car with all of this global warming going on?

In layman's terms, the edict brought down from the green mountain leaves few alternatives: you must either damage your car's engine by continually turning it off & restarting it; or you must inconvenience yourself by not using your car at all.

But it seems there's a conflict in the green dogma.

Ah, maybe Pesci was right. They screw you at the drive-thru. What's the point of having a drive-thru? They know you're going to be miles away before you realize your order is wrong, and they know you're not coming back. It's just a cruel hoax. Just like global warming.

On one hand, a little walking might do me good. Why shouldn't I walk inside rather than wait outside? Obese people cause global warming. I'm far from obese, but that's beside the point.

Can I have fries with that? How much CO2 does that burner put out? And are the emissions included in the price?

On the other hand, more walking accelerates the heart, which requires more bloodflow and oxygen, which means more breathing, and more CO2. I'm not sure that's a good idea.

I'm so confused. Maybe we should all kill ourselves. That's the only solution.

I'm craving milkshakes. I think I'll go for a drive.

It would seem others are having the same feelings I am about this:

Madison Wisconsin may ban Drive-Throughs at Restaurants to Fight Global Warming Wake Up America

__________________
"Skepticism is the highest of duties, and blind faith the unpardonable sin." -- Thomas Huxley

I'll admit, the mrs. and myself rarely use drive thrus. Not because of the vehicle idling, but only because that we want to ensure that we get our orders correct. We've been stiffed a few times using the drive thru only to find out that they short changed us a burger or fry.

If others wish to use the drive thru, all the power to them. Unlike environmentalists, I wish people to have a choice as to whether they want to use the drive thru or go in and order their food.

But overall, if the green hippies are that concerned about cars idling, maybe they should picket restaurants/fast food establishments that open 24 hours, as lights/stoves/fryers are all constantly burning even more fossil fuels. While they're at it, maybe ban fast food places period, as all that fast food gives me gas and as they claim, farts cause global warming.